The Truth Does Not Change

I wish I knew where this reflection on this Sunday’s gospel came from in order to give credit to whomever wrote it. I’m going to assume, since I found it in my church’s bulletin, that it came from the USCCB. I felt compelled to share it, particularly because of this line: “Our world is growing more and more hostile to the message of the Gospel.” 

Was it always this hostile or is it just me? Maybe it’s an age thing. Maybe I’m feeling the hostility because I’m interacting with more people? No idea. Perhaps the world was always this angry but because we are all communicating and sharing more than ever, it’s just becoming more and more apparent that the hostility was always there – we just didn’t see it.

For reference, the reading is Luke 4:21-30

“When the people in the synagogue heard this, they were all filled with fury.” Why were these folks furious? Because they didn’t like what Jesus told them. They took offense at his teaching that “no prophet is accepted in his own native place.” Jesus was implying that his fellow Nazarenes in the synagogue were blind to who he really was. And this made them mad. They didn’t like being told that they were wrong. But Jesus told them anyway. He knew that these people needed to hear the truth, even if it mean that he would be unpopular. In fact, he spoke the truth even at risk of his own life. “They rose up, drove him out of the town, and led him to the brow of the hill on which their town had been built, to hurl him down headlong.”

It can be tempting to confuse Jesus’ kindness and goodness with passivity, mistakenly imagining him as a person who would never ruffle any feathers because he was so concerned about being “nice.” This one-sided image of Jesus can lead us to excuse our own passivity about the falsehood and evil that surrounds us.

We can justify our silence or inaction by convincing ourselves that we shouldn’t upset anyone. But the fact is that Jesus upset people on a regular basis. That wasn’t his goal, of course, but he was willing to deal with resistance for the sake of truth and justice. And we should be willing to do the same.

Our world is growing more and more hostile to the message of the Gospel. When we simply live our faith authentically, it makes some people angry. But we should not recoil from this reality. Jesus’ witness made people furious too. But when they got mad, he didn’t cave in.

Whether people like it or not, the truth does not change.

Remaining Silent…When You Really Want to Scream

No one is so good and devout as not to encounter some worries and troubles in life. When you face tribulation and are sorrowful in heart, you are with Jesus on the Cross. And again, when through the grace of the Holy Spirit you enjoy consolation in prayer, you rise, as it were, with Christ from the dead and the tomb, and with a jubilant heart you celebrate Easter with Jesus in the newness of life.

 

When someone directs harsh and unkind words against you, you are given to drink of the chalice of the Lord as medicine for your soul. Remain silent and drink of the cup of salvation without complaint, for the Lord will be your protection in nothing more admirable than to remain silent and patient, for in this way you curb the mouth of him who utters evil against you, and at the same time, you follow the example of Christ, who remained silent before Pilate, though much false testimony had been brought against Him. You are no better than God, who, for your sake, endured scourging, ridicule, and death at the hands of the wicked.

Thomas à Kempis, Bountiful Goodness, pp 36-37

God’s timing is always perfect, isn’t it?  I read this passage a couple days ago, just when I was seeking some answers about a recent encounter with someone who had some harsh words for me. This person said some pretty nasty things to me that aren’t worth repeating, but it was made clear to me, they had no idea just how rude they were being.

My initial response was silence, mainly due to shock that someone would disrespect me so much, but also because I have never felt it beneficial to respond to hate with hate (or in this case, disrespect with disrespect, as her comments weren’t really hateful as much as they were just downright rude and nasty).

Only one thought went thru my mind as she lashed out at me, and that was “Hurt people hurt people.” So I stayed silent, said little, and finished up my work with her. She is no longer in my life (she was a client) and this was her final session with me. My mind was racing after she walked out thinking, “Why would she say such awful things to someone she barely knows? What did I do to deserve such a beating? Where was this anger coming from?”

I even went so far as to reverse the situation and ask myself, “When was I this nasty to someone? When have I lashed out at someone trying to help me?” I was seeking the lesson here, and I admit, I struggled to find it. I am by no means perfect but I don’t recall in recent memory reacting in a similar way this woman did with me.  I got an answer though, and that was: “This isn’t about you. She’s struggling with someone/something that has nothing to do with you.”

Still, I was feeling conflicted and completely out of sorts.

These questions were still on my mind as I went on a retreat for the entire weekend. I felt bad because this woman was still on my mind as I was trying to enjoy myself and get into the “spirit” of the weekend. It’s a retreat, for crying out loud! You’d think of all places this was my best medicine.

In the end, I eventually got the bad taste of this client out of my mouth and my mind. I was inspired by the young ones I spoke to and their fire for the Lord. The answer to my questions maybe didn’t come directly to me that weekend but I did find comfort and a welcome distraction in the many people I encountered. Many of them had some amazing witness stories which definitely put my problems into perspective.

I came home Sunday evening to find this book, Bountiful Goodness, at my doorstep, almost forgetting that I had ordered it.

And this reflection on “Divine Consolation and Tribulations” was one of the first ones I read.

Remain silent and drink of the cup of salvation without complaint…

So for those who have been hurt by the unkind and harsh words of another person, I’m right there with you. As much as we want to react and fight back, sometimes it’s best to just remain silent and let that person go. I think that’s showing mercy, isn’t it? Pope Francis would probably agree in this Jubilee Year of Mercy that this is the right thing to do.

A prayer for them will probably serve them better than our own spiteful remarks and reactions.

And wouldn’t you know it, there’s a prayer for EVERYTHING out there! I found one specifically for our “Enemies” although I don’t consider her a true enemy. She’s probably not a friend though…maybe one day though!

Almighty God, have mercy on N. and on all that bear me evil will and would do me harm, and on their faults and mine together, by such easy, tender, merciful means, as Thine infinite wisdom best can devise; vouchsafe to amend and redress and make us saved souls in heaven together, where we may ever live and love together with thee and they blessed saints. O glorious Trinity, for the bitter passion of our sweet Savior, Christ. Amen.

– St. Thomas More

 

 

Help Me To See

I’m not blind, but I’ve experienced “sight” twice in my life that I feel compelled to share.

The first was when I was taken to the doctor for an eye exam in the 4th grade. I had no idea I couldn’t see the chalkboard; it was my teacher who told my Mom that I was squinting to see it. When it was clear that I could barely read the eye chart at the doctor’s office, we went to get a pair of glasses.

I’ll never forget sitting in the chair at the optometrist. Before he came in, I looked into the holes of the giant machine that he would use to ask #1 or #2, #1,  or #2. (Anyone who’s been to the eye doctor knows all too well this process, it’s kind of comical).

Anyways, I took a peek and I remember telling my mom, “Wow!!! There’s a dog on that wall over there!”  I think she said something like, “Yes, that’s a picture of a dog, what’s the big deal?”  And I replied something like, “But…but…it’s DIFFERENT when I look through this thing. It’s like it’s magic! I can see the dog! I can see him!”

Having never had a need for glasses, she couldn’t understand what I was trying to say. I was trying to tell her that I could see every DETAIL of this dog. I will NEVER forget that dog. The picture is ingrained in my memory forever and the first image I saw clearly.  I recall thinking this machine that I was looking through must have been magic. I honestly didn’t understand the concept of SEEING CLEARLY.

After the appointment we went to LensCrafters to get my glasses. I remember picking out pink frames, thinking they were the “cutest” looking glasses, although I was dreading wearing them. Glasses, at age 9, were not “cool.”

“Do you see what I see?”

I will never forget walking out of LensCrafters to the car. I recall it was fall and the leaves were starting to change color.

Imagine seeing leaves for the first time. I know it’s hard to picture seeing something that you see every day but just imagine never having seen the leaves on a tree.

I could SEE! I could see every single leaf on the trees that we were walking past! And the concrete – I could see that too!

I was literally looking down at my feet walking on the sidewalk and noting to my mother, “I can see!! I can see the sidewalk!! I can see the leaves!!! Do you see them? Do you see that?”

I wish I could remember her reaction. I wish I could ask her if she remembers that day that I got my sight. But most of all, I WISH I could have every person I know experience this newfound sight. It’s like being born again. It’s like realizing you are alive when this whole time before, you had been dead.

I recently came across a video from a popular speaker named Nicky Gumbel, and he discusses how he got glasses as an adult and HIS reaction is very similar to mine.  (Fast forward to 12:30 to SEE what I mean.)

“I am the way, the truth, and the life.”

I mentioned I gained sight twice in my life. The most recent time I found sight had nothing to do with a new pair of glasses. It has everything to do with looking at life through a different lens, a different perspective.

This “secondary” sight occurred when I read Theology of the Body for Beginners just 8 months ago. I knew something was happening to me as I read this book and took notes on it, which I have NEVER done while reading any book as an adult. I felt compelled to reflect on these words this man Christopher West, was writing. It was another experience of saying to myself, and sometimes to others, “Wow, NOW, I can see! I see things the way they REALLY are! THIS, this is what is truth!”

It was a few months later in June that “the scales fell off my eyes.” I had heard this expression before but never truly understood it until it actually happened to me. This experience took place during a week-long course through Theology of the Body Institute.. I recall telling myself and others, “I cannot un-see what I just saw. I can’t un-hear what I just heard. I will never be the same person I once was. I can see again!”

Where I once thought I saw love, I see lust.

Where I once saw truth, I now see the lies.

Where I once saw friendship, I now see possession.

Where I once saw harmless entertainment, I now see abuse.

Where I once saw freedom, I now see impurity.

But don’t get depressed and discouraged! There’s Good News to share:

Where I once saw rules, I now see freedom.

Where I once saw archaic teaching, I now see beautiful meaning.

Where I once saw restriction, I see chastity.

Where I once saw punishment, I now see blessings.

Where I saw an aged, celibate, old-fashioned man in Rome, I now see a Saint that I want to embrace in heaven and thank him for helping me to see.

Thank you God for my sight. I never want to be blind again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the words of Mother Angelica…

From the book “Mother Angelica’s Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality:”

Called by God

You are called by God at this time in history to be so holy that this whole world will be sanctified. And you’re going to do that only by being yourself and changing that self into Jesus – cooperating with the Spirit to be transformed into the object of your love.

 

That last part is my favorite – transformed into the object of your love. YES!!!

How often I pray to be transformed. How often all of us should be praying this same thing. Imagine the possibilities if we all aimed for this. To change ourselves into Jesus. I don’t know how often we think in those terms but after reading Mother’s words, I think it might be time we start.

 

 

 

For Your Own Good

“God is offended by us only when we act against our own good.” – St. Thomas Aquinas

 

“I was a master deceiver. I became very good at avoiding the truth. I didn’t necessarily lie, I just avoided conversations about the truth.”

I wrote the above statement in my journal less than two weeks ago while I was on a retreat for a Catholic Sexual Ethics course.  I have been reflecting on that quote lately and I see my entire young adult and early 30’s life summarized perfectly in those 3 sentences.

Avoiding the truth is extremely easy to do when you’ve been this way most of your life. Especially when the truth is unpleasant to admit to.

I can look at what I believed in as being my own personal religion.  I made up my own rules as I went along, thinking the rules of the church were archaic and silly and didn’t apply to me. So I avoided any discussion of those “rules” and pretended like I knew better. After all, who knows what’s best for me better than me?

But we all do this…don’t we? We avoid the truth. Deep down we KNOW we have to acknowledge the GOOD. Sometimes the GOOD can be skewed and twisted to suit our own desires. Sometimes we go along with what we THINK is GOOD and TRUE but it ends up being the complete opposite.

When that happens, that’s when we know we have been deceived.

One particular issue that I avoided conversations about for decades was abortion. I was heavily deceived on that issue. How? I always thought and assumed that it wasn’t a problem that affected me. And since, I was all about ME, I avoided any discussion or debate about anything that didn’t concern me.

I grew up Catholic but I went to a public university. There, the topic of abortion or religion or anything “controversial” wasn’t really discussed among my friends and I. I wasn’t a party girl but let’s just say I didn’t feel very passionate about any particular hot topic. I never joined any protests or marches, I never signed any petitions, I never got involved. Getting involved was something for “other people,” not me.

The ignorance and avoidance continued.

If abortion was being protested on campus, I avoided looking at the pictures of the aborted fetuses held up on signs from those who were protesting. I remember  literally shielding my eyes as I tried to walk as quickly as possible to the student hall for lunch. I should have looked. But I didn’t. I completely avoided the entire discussion around this topic saying, “This doesn’t concern me. This is not my problem. This is someone else’s problem.”

Ignorance. Avoidance. Silence.

Now, with the recent videos put out by the Center for Medical Progress on Planned Parenthood, the abortion debate and discussion cannot be avoided.

It’s easy to despair and blind ourselves to the truth. It’s easier to avoid the unpleasantness of dead fetuses and babies ripped apart and just think, “This is not my problem.” But in light of my recent discovery of TOB and having just taken a course on Catholic Sexual Ethics, I am feeling called to speak up about this hot topic. Whereas before I happily stayed in the shadows, I cannot do that anymore.

The Ethic of the Good

So how does good prevail over the evil in the case of abortion?

Besides prayer, I find it very helpful and encouraging to hear from those who have had a change of heart.

Former abortion workers and women who regret their abortions through campaigns like Silent No More and And Then There Were None. This is the spirit of God at work. I truly believe that.

We can’t ignore all these stories of regret. We need to learn from these women and men! They are here to teach us that what they did, although ruled LEGAL, was not MORAL. They were not desiring that which is good. They were not pursuing happiness, they admitted they were pursuing selfishness. And thank God they are speaking up now so we have a chance to make this wrong right.

Anyone can look at Roe vs Wade and think, “This is a legal activity, therefore I don’t have any right to challenge it or protest it. I must agree with it.”  Or “Even if I don’t think it’s right, I am just one person and I can’t change anyone’s minds.”  I would answer that with a hearty NO. The Supreme Court does not reign supreme in our hearts. In our hearts we know that this is not a good. This is not moral. Destroying a human life is immoral and more people who feel this way need to speak up about it. We can respectfully admit that the Supreme Court made the wrong decision. Even Jane Roe herself has had a change of heart.

Even if there is no sympathy in your heart for those who regret having abortions or working at a clinic, how can any human being see the number 55,000,000 lives lost and not think “There’s something wrong here.”

I, of all people, understand the hesitation to speak up about this.  As little as 5 years ago, if I would have gotten pregnant, I cannot honestly tell you that I would have kept it. I have been pro-choice most of my life and for what reasons I cannot even tell you. I must have thought, “My body, my choice,” made sense to me.

But now, I know that I don’t HAVE a body.

I AM a body.

And that means I don’t destroy who I am. I don’t mutilate who I am. I don’t kill who I am.

There’s my little pro-life argument in a few sentences. No mention of conception timing, no mention of rights or choices. No mention of God. Not even a mention of a heartbeat. No, my pro-life stance is quite simple. I AM a body.

I began this blog post with a quote from St. Thomas Aquinas that I heard on the course for the Catholic Sexual Ethics class last week. Here it is again:

“God is offended by us only when we act against our own good.”

Most people think God would be offended by us when we act against HIM. But no…St. Thomas tells us God is offended when we do something that contradicts the good. Our own good.

So I’m going to try to live my life by not offending God. And I try to help people understand that their actions and their decisions should always be geared toward that which is good.

If we all steer our hearts towards that which is good, how can that which is evil hold us back?

There is hope that good will overcome. But it starts with you.

Thanks for reading!

-michelle

 

Bound by Lust, Liberated by the Ethos of Redemption

I just found this passage recently from  Theology of the Body Explained – A Commentary on John Paul II’s Man and Woman He Created Them by Christopher West

The subject matter is Celibacy and Solitude:

Christopher West and Pope John Paull II talk about remaining in the “ache” of man’s original solitude – the “ache” to which the Lord himself refers when he said, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Gen 2:18). The conscious choice to refrain from marriage “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” becomes a powerful testimony to the fact that God and God alone can ultimately fulfill that “ache” of solitude. Men and women who vow to a life of celibacy devote their yearning for communion directly toward God.

I look at the “ache” and I am deeply attracted to it. And I recently figured out why I am so attracted to it:

“For those whose hearts are bound by lust, the idea of choosing a life of total continence is absurd. But for those who are being liberated from lust by the ethos of redemption, the idea of sacrificing the genital expression of their sexuality “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” not only becomes a real possibility – it also becomes quite attractive, even desirable.”

This was me – I was the one who was bound by lust. But I experienced that liberation from lust by the ethos of redemption and let me tell you, it was an amazing experience that I wish EVERYONE could encounter. Because I now recognize that my life has been dominated by lust, I am now extremely excited about living the rest of my life as a celibate. I am welcoming the “ache” with open arms.

I don’t expect anyone to really understand this except maybe for fellow…celibates? 🙂 But for those who are single by choice, those who know that being married and having children is not the path you have been put on, I would propose to you, fellow singles, this life of celibacy for the kingdom. This is NOT a person’s way of saying that “marriage is too hard” or “dating is so tiresome” so therefore, “I’m just going to be single and celibate forever.” No, this is not that at all. This is choosing to live for something greater. For me, I am choosing to go down this path because I feel God calling me to it. For others, they might feel God guiding them to marriage and children. For others they might feel the pull to religious life. I have never felt a desire or yearning to have a family of my own. This feeling has never faded over time and I have never changed my mind even as I enter my late 30’s. This is how I have always felt and now I can finally put a name to it. Now I finally know WHY I never felt the pull to the other vocations – My singleness IS my vocation.

There’s another nugget of wisdom from TOB:

“Celibacy is not only a matter of formation but of transformation.

The Holy Father recognizes that a proper examination of the way in which the celibate vocation is formed, or rather “transformed” in a person would require an extensive study beyond the scope of his analysis (see TOB 81:5)”

And this is why I cannot explain my feelings adequately. How someone becomes or chooses celibacy is so transformative, that a deeper explanation is needed.

I’m actually excited and thrilled to live out the rest of my life as a celibate. And I couldn’t possibly feel this way and this wouldn’t be happening at all if it weren’t for the grace I received after finally attending confession at the TOB retreat last month. After 15 years of living a lust-driven life, I finally have that weight lifted off my shoulders and now I can focus on living an authentic life. The life I was called to live, to be the person I was called to be.

Ahhh, the joy of freedom!

Bonus material: I came across this video from Jackie Francois about the Ache of Singlehood – Worth watching for those who are single AND married. Pretty sure she and I share the same brain. 🙂

 

Living In The Ache

The mystic is the one who allows himself to feel the deepest depths of human desire and chooses to “stay in the pain” of wanting more than this life has to offer. For the mystic, the true pleasures of the world are a welcome but only dim foreshadowing of the ecstasy that awaits him in the life to come. He can live within that “ache” (what the mystical tradition calls “the wound of love”) because of his living hope that his “soul shall be satisfied as with a banquet” (Ps 63:5), a banquet that lasts forever and will fulfill his every desire beyond all earthly imaginings.

The truth is, we’re all called to be “mystics.”  – Christopher West – Fill These Hearts – God, Sex, and the Universal Longing

I guess I’m a little crazy because, I for one, am longing to live in the ache. As soon as I heard it and read about it, I decided “This is ME! This is for me. This is what I am called to do.”

I didn’t always feel this way of course. I never even believed we are all called to holiness. I thought that sounded like a bunch of garbage and just something “really holy people” say to us sinners to trick us into going to confession. So when my buddy Dan got up to speak in front of bunch of us at a retreat and said that God calls us all to holiness, I started to think, “But how? How are you people attaining all this holiness?! What makes you so special?”

Turns out, most people don’t know this truth because they were raised as either stoics or addicts. Probably not 100% true stoics or true addicts in the sense that you’re probably thinking. But stoics as people who were told that their desires or urges were bad and they should be repressed and shoved down into the depths and never spoke about or felt. Addicts were taught that you only live once so you might as well act on those urges and desires as much as you can. But by the way, this doesn’t guarantee happiness. It rarely does, actually.

So where’s the middle ground? Mystics. We need to aim to be more like them. The mystics directed their desires to God. Away from earthly things and towards the heavens. It may seem impossible, but I would offer myself as living proof that the power of prayer makes all things possible.

Desire is the faculty that not only pines after the divine gift, but also receives it when it is given, so the wider our desire, the more capable we are of receiving. Christ wants us to be as wide open to his gift as possible, stretched in our desire unto infinity, because that’s what he has to offer us: the wild ecstasy of infinite bliss. – Christopher West – Fill These Hearts – God, Sex, and the Universal Longing

Wild ecstasy of infinite bliss? Now that’s some good news.

Running with the Rosary

“The ROSARY is the book of the blind, where souls see and there enact the greatest drama of love the world has ever known; it is the book of the simple, which initiates them into mysteries and knowledge more satisfying than the education of other men; it is the book of the aged, whose eyes close upon the shadow of this world, and open on the substance of the next. The power of the Rosary is beyond description.” Archbishop Fulton Sheen (Way to Inner Peace)

As some of you may already know, I’m a Personal Trainer and overall obsessed gym rat. Recently, I’ve been trying to find a way to blend my favorite things together – my faith AND my love of fitness. There are others out there with this same problem goal and I’m always in awe to see people and companies who have blended this successfully.

Some examples:

What Would Jesus Deadlift? They are all over social media, especially Instagram where followers take pictures of themselves in WWJD gear. (Of course, I’ve bought a two shirts myself as soon as I discovered them). From their website:

Have you ever finished your set and thought, What Would Jesus Deadlift? Wear this comfortable shirt at the gym to motivate you and those around you while you workout to meditate on what Jesus lifted. That weight on that cross was all of our sins, yours and mine. Just as Jesus picked up that cross, you can pick up that weight!

Our Vision: We are not here to just sell shirts and become rich. We are here to help send a message with this design. God has called us to challenge others to put some thought to “What Would Jesus Deadlift?” What does that mean? How does that relate to my fitness lifestyle? My spiritual journey? Am I taking what Jesus did on that cross for granted?

Think about it. Make others do the same.

Our Mission: We are here to give back. With every purchase you make, we make a local impact here in Fresno, CA as we reach out to others by giving them a free t-shirt, help with food, talking and ministering to others on “What Would Jesus Deadlift”. We hope you can be part of it!

PrayFit Ministries – The mission of PrayFit Ministries is to help the collective church with humble, bodily stewardship, and to help those in the health & fitness industry toward a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

In The PrayFit Diet, NYT best selling author Jimmy Peña shows us how faith is the most powerful tool we have to conquer all of life’s obstacles, and that includes our health. More importantly, God wants you to be at your best, physically and spiritually. By combining perfectly proportioned meals with Biblically based motivation, The PrayFit Diet will give you all the tools you need to live a life that will both inspire you and honor the Lord.

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So what about me?  I don’t have a clothing line…I’m not a best selling author….I’m not a professional figure competitor with a large following.

How can I use my faith to promote a healthy life and help others do the same?

I discovered one small way this morning during my long run.

I’m training for a marathon in October and I was scheduled to run 8 miles today. I started out listening to music from iPhone which I normally do to keep me motivated. To run in complete silence is definitely do-able but not ideal when you have a run longer than a couple miles.

Today, it was about 80 degrees during my run which means I probably felt like it was around 85-90 degrees. To say this was challenging would be an understatement.

After 3 miles in this time, I decided to try something different. I stopped the music and started my Rosary App. (Yes there’s a Rosary app, there’s an app for everything isn’t there?)

The app is pretty simple; it has simple graphics and an audio (voice) that goes through the entire rosary. You choose which “Mystery” you’d like to pray and just hit “play.”

I grabbed my Mom’s rosary that she had with her for the final years of her life while she fought lymphoma. It was a perfect way to pray a rosary because, as you can see from the picture, it fits right around your thumb!

I made it from mile 3 to mile 7 praying through the Luminous Mysteries as well as the Sorrowful Mysteries. Each Mystery takes about 25 minutes to pray through so for me, given how slow of a runner I am, that equated 2 miles.

The Pros:

I was actually able to meditate and pray without getting distracted too much. Anyone who knows their rosary knows getting distracted while reciting the same prayer over and over again is a common occurrence. But I think because I was actively moving (running, in this case) I was surprisingly able to stay focused.

The time it took to get through this sweaty run went by very quickly. While most of the time, listening to music DOES kinda get the blood flowing and the legs moving, it still seems like it takes FOREVER for me to complete my miles. This time, I felt motivated by the words being prayed. Kind of like a chant? Whatever it was, it helped pass the time.

The Cons:

Due to the heat and the fact that I didn’t have a water belt on me, I was SUPER thirsty. This was increased due to the fact that I was trying to SAY the Rosary out loud along with the app. Of course, even though I’m not that fast of a runner, I still couldn’t quite get the words out. So it was more of a breathless whisper instead of speaking out loud. But even just this whisper caused me to feel like I constantly needed water. I took a few walk breaks but I attempted to time them when I finished a decade which I found to be kind of a good “break.”

I think Running with the Rosary has some potential. But, I would probably be hesitant to promote it as the BEST way to pray it. I think any super Catholic would suggest that you should really be still and silent or at least in a chapel to pray the rosary “best.” But, for those who say they are too busy to pray or too busy to say a rosary, why not just say one Hail Mary while you’re running? And then if you feel like you can do more, add a few more. Then you might add more until you’ve said a whole decade.  My personal feeling is that as long as you show Mary her proper reverence and can get in a few rosaries while running, I think she would say, “Run with me! Just don’t run FROM me!” 🙂

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For those who have no idea how to pray the rosary, or how to stay focused when distractions come up I have a few good resources listed here.

From: Understanding the Rosary – A Wake Up Call by Kat Franchino

Tiny Cheat Sheet: Rosary Edition

• The word rosary itself is Latin and translates along the lines of “a garland of roses.” The story goes that St. Dominic developed the Rosary sometime between the 12^th and 15^th centuries after having a vision of the Virgin Mary, but prayer beads and cords were used way before St. Dominic’s vision.
• The Rosary is divided into decades, with each decade starting with a mystery. A mystery is a short reading that focuses on an aspect of Jesus or Mary’s life, with the word mystery meaning “a truth of the faith.” Still a little baffled by that translation of mystery. There are three traditional mysteries (Joyful, Sorrow and Glorious mysteries), as well as the Luminous mysteries, added by Pope John Paul II in 2002. When praying a decade of the Rosary (the Our Father, 10 Hail Marys, Glory Be and the Fatima prayer), Catholics meditate on that decade’s mystery.
• The Rosary is said for a variety of reasons. We say it because of our devotion to Mary who intercedes on our behalf. Saying it gives us an opportunity to meditate on key moments in Jesus’ life. The Rosary also helps us become more intentional and thoughtful in our prayers.

From: The Beginner’s Guide to the Rosary

Offering Intentions

Practically everyone who prays the Rosary “offers” the Rosary to God and Our Lady for an intention. Some people offer particular intentions before each decade. You can ask God to grant you a favor, heal a sick person, or convert a sinner. Some people offer the same intention every day–sometimes for years on end–especially when asking the Father for the conversion of a particular person. Intentions are as varied as the people who pray.

Ask for big and small gifts. Be bold! In this sense, the Rosary is an exchange of gifts between friends.

It is widely known that Our Lady answers seemingly impossible intentions to those who are first beginning to pray the Rosary. This is her way of drawing you closer to Her and to Jesus. If you are praying your first Rosary, or returning to the Rosary after years of not talking to Our Lady, ask for something big, spectacular, “impossible.” She’ll often surprise you.

 

 

 

When You Run from the Truth, You Embrace the Lie

When I was in my early 20’s I attended a talk given by a visiting priest at my sister’s church. It was during Lent when most Catholic Churches invite outside speakers to come and talk to the congregation about how they can grow closer to God, grow in their faith, etc. The speakers are usually thought provoking and lively and interesting.  My sister invited me to come with her on the night they were scheduled to talk about “Sin.” I don’t recall the exact title of the talk but Sin was definitely in there, so we were both thinking, “This oughta be good!”

Right Words, Wrong Music

The first thing we see when we walk into church is a small sheet of paper entitled “Sins that Need To Be Confessed.” As we sat waiting for the priest to get there to start the talk, we both stared at the paper. My stomach was in knots and I began to tense up. I recall staring at this sheet of paper with 20+ Sins on it and I’m counting at least 10 that I was guilty of. My blood was boiling. It didn’t matter what the priest said during that one hour. I had tuned out the minute I read that paper. I sat with my arms folded across my chest, completely shut down and closed off to his words.

As we venture into these reflections (of Theology of the Body) let us “be not afraid” to face honestly how far we have fallen from God’s original plan. For only if we first realize how bad the “bad news” is, do we then realize how good the “good news” is. The “good news” is that historical man is not merely the man influenced by sin. He is also redeemed in Christ, who gives us real power to regain what was lost. We must keep this in the forefront of our minds as we reflect on the effects of sin on our experience of the body and sexuality. Without this hope, we will be tempted to despair, or to minimize and even normalize sin. TOB Explained

I went home and complained to my parents that I didn’t think I could go to mass anymore (interesting to note that I identified as a Catholic by claiming I went to mass every week). I remember my mother being upset at the thought of me just up and quitting. I tried to tell her why. Looking back, her response wasn’t the greatest. She admitted that she didn’t really believe everything the Catholic church preached, just most of it. That I could just be a cafeteria Catholic and pick and choose what I wanted to believe.

I didn’t see this as an option and in my heart I knew that response was wrong. It didn’t sit well with me. What I SHOULD have realized was that we’re all sinners. But there’s something called grace.

Christopher West mentioned during my recent retreat that “You can’t talk about sin without mentioning grace and God’s mercy. People will rationalize sin or despair if you ONLY talk about sin without mentioning God’s mercy and forgiveness.”

THAT’S exactly what was missing during this particular talk that I sat through. If the priest DID mention grace and forgiveness, I had already tuned out because I was rationalizing the sin in my mind.

“I don’t need to go to confession, this is BS.”

“These sins aren’t really sins at all. Everyone does this.”

“This is old-fashioned and archaic. I’m going to find a church that isn’t full of hypocrites.”

So my version of leaving the church meant not going to mass on Sundays.

I think I lasted a month before I went back.

The night before, I remember laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling and feeling like a rock was on my chest. I could feel pain and disappointment and sadness coming from within me.

I went back to Church the next day, sat among all the sinners, frustrated, clueless, broken.  Looking back, I was looking for answers. But I was too stubborn to ask. I assumed the answers were simply, “This is just the way it is. Now stop asking questions.”

I stayed stubborn for 15 more years.

Feeling Like a Fraud

After moving to Chicago at the age of 23, I joined a church and went through the motions. Still avoiding confession, but at least I was attending mass more than those “twice a year Catholics.” “At least I’m not one of them,” I told myself. “I’m one of the good ones.”

If I was broken before, I was now practically shattered. I was completely delusional about my life.

When our desire to understand the body and sexuality is not met with the truth, we inevitably fall for the lies.TOB For Beginners

I thought my life was going exactly as it should be for a single young woman in a fun town. I became proud of my independence and the fact that I didn’t need a man in my life to make me happy. I wore my independence and singleness like a badge of honor. I lived my 20’s and early 30’s…managing to squeeze in a few masses here and there on Sundays.

So although I identified as a Catholic, I was really living the life of someone else. I was definitely not engaging in behavior that would make anyone proud. I repeatedly felt like a fraud. That word, fraud, always seemed to creep into my head. It started when I was in college with my first “real” boyfriend. Fraud. Fake. Acting. I never focused on this word for too long to think about what it meant.

We do not have any direct experience of the first man and woman’s state of total innocence. Nonetheless, the Pope proposes that an “echo” of the beginning exists within each of us. The original human experiences, he says, “are always at the root of every human experience. Indeed, they are so interwoven with the ordinary things of life that we generally do not realize their extraordinary character.” (TOB 1 1:1) TOB for Beginners

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That “echo of the beginning” was trying to come out of me. Call it my conscious or call it God or call it just a voice. But I know, now, that it was the echo trying to peek out. But I closed it out for a long time. Anytime I came close to “releasing” it, I rationalized it back inside. I kept thinking that my behavior was the norm. My actions were what everyone else was doing. I was just going along with whatever society told me to. I assumed it was okay and it was right and since it was legal, it was fine. I was free to do whatever I wanted.

“We are “free” in a sense to “do whatever we want with our bodies.” However, we are not free to determine whether what we do with our bodies is good or evil. TOB for Beginners

Our bodies can tell the truth or they can tell a lie. Our bodies tell a story and the story I was telling was one of desperation, sadness, pride, lust, dishonor and plenty of lies. Lots of lies, actually.

Lust is often thought of as some benefit to the sexual relationship or it is conceived of as an increase or intensification of sexual desire. In reality, lust is a reduction of the original fullness God intended for sexual desire. We do not get “more”when we lust but much less. Indulging in lust is comparable to eating out of a dumpster, when God invites us to the feast of eternal life. Why would be ever choose a dumpster? Because we do not really believe in the great gift of God’s banquet. This is the gift man and woman denied with original sin. Shame, in turn, indicates our attraction toward the “dumpster.” TOB for Beginners

Disordered Desires

I was attracted to things that were not good for me because my ethos was off. It wasn’t directed towards heaven, it was directed to things of this world. And I hurt a lot of people. I never apologized to any of them. I never confessed to anyone. I never admitted fault. In fact, I blamed others instead of pointing the finger right back at my own heart.

The stubbornness and rationalization continued on…and it became exhausting and despairing.

That’s what despair is: Hopelessness. In turn, when there is no hope of an eternal banquet that will satisfy our hunger, we start grasping at the pleasures of this world in a disordered way. Fill These Hearts – God, Sex, and the Universal Longing

That was exactly me. I listened to the secular world for too long and believed so many lies. I promoted the lie. I believed in the lie that when I finally found the truth, I practically shouted, “I KNEW IT!!! I knew I wasn’t the only one that felt this way!”  I was thrilled because that “echo” was finally freed from inside me.

And THAT’S why when I read TOB and went on this retreat that I cried for so long. I grieved my old life and all the sins and lies that were in it, but forever grateful for the transformation of my heart. I finally went to confession on that retreat after a 23 year hiatus.  I am so grateful that I finally found the answers I fought so hard to shut out, starting the night I sat in that pew with arms folded and closed off to the truth.

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That is my point with this week’s post. I would be willing to bet you or someone you know has broken away from the church. Maybe the words were right but the song was wrong, like it was in my case. I stayed away for a long time. And if you ask me if I was happy, I would have lied right to your face and said yes.

Those 15 years were a necessary step in my journey of faith. Because if I hadn’t lived and believed the lie, I would never have been able to share the truth with anyone once I finally discovered it.

When we desire what is true, good, and beautiful, then we are free indeed – free to love, free to bless, which is the freedom from the compulsion to grasp and posses. TOB For Beginners

I look back and see my “break” from church as a child who fakes an illness in order to avoid going to school because he/she is afraid to take a test.

Now that I’m back, I have a lot of make-up homework to do.

…to be continued…

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What I’m Currently Reading:

Pope Address the Young: Go Against the current, Live Chastely

Gospel Singer Posts Message of Forgiveness on Charleston Shooter’s Page

Worship in a Selfie Centered World

Start A Fire: How Song Lyrics Can Spark a Blaze

A couple weeks ago I posted how we are all called to holiness.

How many people actually believe that? Apparently, not many. I have heard from friends/others that to live a chaste life, to live a holy life is “too hard, too difficult. Save that holy talk for the priests and the nuns, and the saints. That’s not for me!”

If you truly believe that all of us aren’t called to a life of holiness and chastity, (yes married people are called to a chaste life too!), then what are you called to be? Just an average person going through life?

Aren’t you feeling called to do a little more with this one life that you have been given?

Because I’m passionate about music, I thought others could relate and so I found some song lyrics that might help start a fire within you to help you see things differently. I put them into some categories.

You Are Not Called to Live a Mediocre Life:

“I don’t wanna go through the motions,

I don’t wanna go one more day,

without your all-consuming, passion inside of me.

 I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,

“What if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions?”

– Matthew West, from his song “The Motions”

I hear this song and I automatically want to change how I live my daily life. I feel compelled to pray daily, I feel driven to spread the Word, I get excited about how I can stand up for my beliefs. I think about the “motions” I go through everyday when I’m not feeling too inspired and how I feel like it’s a waste to sit on my butt and do nothing that brings me closer to God. So I do my best to “give everything” to Him. He gets all the glory, all the praise.

Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I’m only just a memory
When I’m home where my soul belongs

Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of us
Was my worship more than just a song

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do
Points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I’ll stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back

I want to live like that
-Sidewalk Prophets, “Live Like That”

The message I get from this song is in one of the last verses in this chorus: Never Holding Back. Don’t be afraid to speak up and speak often. Don’t be afraid to tell people you love them. Don’t be afraid to call someone out on something that you don’t think is right or good. Don’t censor yourself. As long as it’s done in an educational and loving way, there’s no way we can’t have a genuine conversation about “hot button topics” and maybe make some changes in this world.

Sometimes the day won’t ever end…some days you just throw up your hands.

It’s the little things sometimes.

Sometimes the world has just gone dark, sometimes you’re praying for a spark.

It’s the little things sometimes.

But if you lift your eyes, see it in a different light, just a cloud up in the open sky, let the rain fall away because today is beautiful!

If you see more than what’s in front of you
You might see more of heaven’s view

– David Dunn, from his song “Today is Beautiful”

I don’t see how ANYONE could NOT feel happy after hearing this song. Talk about powerful lyrics! Don’t we all have days when we want to see things in a different light? It could be the most dreary, dreadful, grayest day. But if we look at things differently, we can see that it’s a new day, we are alive, we have breath.  So let’s be grateful for this new and beautiful day. Look at your problem in a different light, pray about it, and you might get an answer from God that surprises you. Because, as we know, even when we think God doesn’t hear our prayers, He does.

Forgive and Be Forgiven:

I can’t believe what she said
I can’t believe what he did
Oh, don’t they know it’s wrong
Don’t they know it’s wrong

Well maybe there’s something I missed
But how could they treat me like this
It’s wearing out my heart
The way they disregard
This is love or this is hate…
We all have a choice to make

Oh, Father wont You forgive them
They don’t know what they’ve been doin’ (oh no)

Oh Father, give me grace to forgive them
Cause I feel like the one losin’

– Tenth Avenue North “Losing”

Forgiveness is probably one of the toughest things that we as Christians struggle with. We desire forgiveness from God through confession. But we also ask for forgiveness from friends and family when we mess up. But the biggest struggle might be when we observe others sinning with no apologies, with no regard for what they are doing to themselves and to their community. We pray to God to please, please, forgive them because they just don’t know. They don’t know that what they are doing is wrong. They believe in their heart that they are doing the right thing because maybe it’s what society told them to do. Maybe since “Everyone else is doing it, I can too!” Maybe it’s even LEGAL but that doesn’t mean it’s right. Is this action going to bring you/them closer to God? If the answer is no, then we need to forgive them anyways, as difficult as it may be. But do so lovingly, not with hate. As the lyrics mention in another part of the song:

Why do we think that hate’s gonna change their heart?
We’re up in arms over wars that don’t need to be fought
But pride won’t let us lay our weapons on the ground
We build our bridges up but just to burn them down
We think pain is owed apologies and then it’ll stop
But truth be told it doesn’t matter if they’re sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down

Take Action:

Here they come, we are surrounded
We’re outnumbered with no place to run
So we’re staying here, lifting up a prayer
Deliver us

Hear that voice there “You shall not fear
You shall not fight watch me there.”
Can we really stand fast while the enemies advance
We swore to believe so no matter the chance we sing

Raise the banner high march with I and I
Lift your voices up loud and high
Strength and unity, faith and victory
Let the battle rage on we cry

Whom shall we fear, no one, no one
We put our weapons down
Whom shall we fear, no one, no one
We raise up worship now

– Audio Adrenaline, “20:17 Raise the Banner”

This is obviously a battle cry. Stand together, stay strong. It’s a constant battle within ourselves and with each other isn’t it? We so badly want our voices heard, but if we are together with other Christians, our voice comes across as one loud voice, and that will get our message out more clearly than just complaining and or just a faint whisper. Be proud of who you are and what you believe in. Pray for God to help make our voices heard.

This world can be cold and bitter
Feels like we’re in the dead of winter
Waiting on something better
But am I really gonna hide forever?

Over and over again
I hear Your voice in my head
Let Your light shine, let Your light shine for all to see

[Chorus:]
Start a fire in my soul
Fan the flame and make it grow
So there’s no doubt or denying
Let it burn so brightly
That everyone around can see
That it’s You, that it’s You that we need
Start a fire in me

You only need a spark to start a whole blaze
It only takes a little faith
Let it start right here in this city
So these old walls will never be the same

Over and over again
I hear Your voice in my head
They need to know
I need to go
Spirit won’t You fall on my heart now

-Unspoken “Start a Fire”

By far one of the best songs to start your own fire. Let it start with YOU. Too many times we listen to that negative voice or negative external voices that say, “That can’t be done, you’re shooting for the sky, that’s unrealistic!” or “You’re just not smart enough to pull this off.”  You ARE enough. If something is important to you, even if you know it’s going to be difficult or challenging or even costly and great sacrifices will need to be made, seek a way to get it done anyways. No one, not even God, said our lives were supposed to be easy or fair. There will always be a struggle. There will always be despair and setbacks and sadness. But what’s the opposite of all of these? Happiness, joy, love, courage, redemption, peace.

Fit In Your Faith Today:  Find a song and let it speak to you! Sometimes songs speak to us moreso than scripture, although it’s funny because most of these songs contain scripture passages. 🙂 There are countless songs out there than start your spark. Here are a few more that you can listen to today!

Switchfoot – Dare You To Move

Redeemed – Big Daddy Weave

Do Something – Matthew West

Where I Belong – Building 429

Hope in Front of Me – Danny Gokey

Revelation Song – Phillips, Craig & Dean

Day One – Matthew West